Anonymous asked: So you seem to know a lot about this stuff and I was wondering if you could help me. I am a female. 90% of the time my sexual attraction is to other females, but I can never see myself in a relationship with a girl. All my romantic attractions are to men but I'm not sexually interested in the people I'm romantically interested in and I'm confused. What does that make me? Is this weird?
Well, it seems to me that you’re homosexual but heteroromantic. This is novel, I don’t think anybody’s said this to me before. It’s interesting.
I can’t say I’ve come up against it before, but that doesn’t make it weird, no. I have a pretty small sample size, I imagine, re: sexuality and romance.
Do you know a lot of women and men you have these specific types of attraction to? It’s possible you could just not be attracted sexually to the men/romantically to the women that you know so far? I’m not questioning your own identification of what you are, but it can be really dependent on who you meet. Sometimes it takes a specific person unlike one you’ve met before to gain both. I know that that’s part of the reason I identify as pansexual/panromantic BUT demisexual: the only difference between my sexuality and being entirely asexual is specific outliers of personhood (and I’ve yet to meet one who makes me want to have sex, despite all the ones I’ve met who draw romance from me).
I hope I helped, and feel free to keep talking to me about this! I can’t tell you what to do about it, though I can say definitely don’t push yourself to be sexual if you’re not sexually attracted or romantic if you don’t have that type of inclination. Some people can do that and confuse themselves brutally because they’re trying to live up to what’s “normal” and you don’t want to be in that situation, trust me. If you get to a point where you’re sexually attracted to a dude or romantically attached to a woman, you’ll know it, I promise you. :)
And, of course, there’s no right way to have a relationship. If you’ve got knowledgeable, consenting partners, there’s no reason you can’t have sex with a woman and a romance with a man simultaneously, to fulfill both desires at once. Polyamory is under-discussed and under-rated; as long as everyone’s aware of what’s going on, okay with it, and safe, go for it.